I got a fun email recently from a prospective volunteer in the United States (shout-out to Kasey from Virginia Beach for such a pleasant surprise) about being vegan while in service. I had written a blog about being vegan a while back, but I've been reminded that it's time to revisit that topic, because things have gotten a bit more interesting here in Chiriquí...
I'm definitely still vegan, as it's set in ink permanently on the inside of my right wrist, and there isn't any other way I'd ever live my life despite this. However, my standards have definitely gotten even more flexible here, and when people give me a hard time or stare at me incredulously when I say I don't eat anything but plants, it's nice to remind myself how many adjustments I've already made.
In my last post I clarified what being vegan was/meant, so in this post I'd like to clarify that I am vegan because I care deeply about all individuals that inhabit the earth - big or small, hairy or scaly, scary or cute: they're all impeccable and I'm honored to walk among them. I believe strongly that every right we give ourselves as humans can be applied to any other being, easily and without question. Therefore, to me, being vegan is simply about practicing deliberate intersectionality in every aspect of my life, and knowing my personal capacity to do so.
My first few weeks here in Chiriquí, my host mom walked me around town and presented me to a large percentage of the community, making sure to include that I don't eat any kind of meat or anything that comes out of animals’ bodies: "Ella no come carne ni pollo ni pescado ni leche ni huevos ni nada! Solo vegetales, frutas, arroz, lentejas..." This was her line, and she'd raise her voice with every item she added to the growing list of things I don't eat. I recently taught her the word vegan, so she could stop saying I was a vegetarian with lots of “allergies,” which was originally easier to explain because nearly no one here knows the word vegan. However, I don’t actually have legitimate allergies, and I didn’t like lying about why I didn’t eat so many things; therefore, I started coming clean about being vegan.
Telling people here why I choose not to consume or use animal products, products tested on animals, object to animals used as tools or animals for entertainment, or any other activities that fall into the category of exploitation in my mind, makes me extremely vulnerable here. My five-year-old host nephew has already started teasing me about it, saying things like “Hannah loves pigs…to eat!” Referencing the two pigs tattooed on my wrist. Other people seem to misunderstand entirely and offer me gallina de patio (backyard/home-raised chicken) to eat often, and then criticize me because the chickens were treated well and raised traditionally before they were slaughtered. They can’t seem to realize the problem is that the chicken has indeed been slaughtered.
Explaining dairy and eggs to Panamanians is nearly useless. I’ve stuck to the line that milk and eggs simply aren’t mine to take, because they belong to the animals that produce them. I’ve further added that as a woman, I don’t like the idea of taking milk or eggs from mothers. People don’t really get it, at all, but I’m seriously trying to be more honest about my lifestyle choices here. I want to be taken seriously. It can be hard though, because people often stare at me helplessly when I additionally turn down the mango gelatina they offer, because people here think gelatin is made of fruit or don’t know where it comes from at all, and I’m left trying to describe gelatin in Spanish to people who honestly don’t care what it actually is.
In the States, I ran into a lot of ignorance and arrogance when I explained my choice to follow a vegan lifestyle; while it was aggravating, I could usually concede and tell someone to kindly f*** off when I could tell I wasn’t going to get anywhere having a conversation with them. The tired phrases of carnists just sparked anger, and after removing myself from pointless arguments I could call up any of my dozens of veg friends and we could have a good laugh or vent about people not understanding us.
In Panamá, no one tells me it’s okay to eat meat because lions eat meat, or that I need protein from animals to make sick gainz, or that humans are the top of the food chain and we’ve earned the right to eat other animals through evolution. They don’t even tell me plants have feelings, too. The Panamanians just stare at me while they process what I’m saying, occasionally ask me how I’m still alive, follow it up by telling me I look healthy, and then go back to chowing down some sancocho. It’s almost worse, honestly, that they don’t say anything or ask any legitimate questions, because I’m never given the chance to fully explain myself. When I do get the opportunity, I’m often told very simply that things in Panamá are different than in the United States, so it’s not as important here to abstain from animal products. They just don’t really understand how serious it is to me. I sold my soul to the vegan overlords when I was 17 years old; and through a lot of trial and error, research, documentaries, Vegan GR events, and GV Cage Free, I’ve figured it out and felt supported the whole time. I can confidently say that I’ve dedicated more brainpower to being vegan and articulating veganism well than any other thing in my life.
That being said, let’s talk about how “not” vegan I am here.
Since being in site, I have undoubtedly consumed gelatin, milk, eggs, condensed milk, butter, cross-contaminated cooking oil, powdered milk, whey, and possibly chicken broth. Some of these things very knowingly, some not until the stomach cramping/bowel movements/insanely stinky farts told me so.
Much like the blog I wrote about balance during my service (and how it’s basically impossible), navigating when to cave and just eat the not-vegan thing or when to stand my ground is proving to be a pretty random and not always intentional thing.
Sometimes I’m just too tired to argue or explain myself, so I choke down the mayonnaise salad and try not to think about cholesterol whipped up with salt and hydrogenated oils.
Sometimes I’m at a new person’s home and they’ve prepared something in advance for me to eat, and it’s chock full of dairy, but they had just finished telling me they spent so much time making something new that I would be able to eat.
Sometimes I want the thing that isn’t vegan, and I don’t like admitting that. It’s easy to deal with this in the States because I can just cook/bake/create/splurge on the vegan equivalent of the thing – here that is not the case and I’ve definitely fallen from grace in this aspect a few times.
Sometimes I have no idea what I’m eating. In most cases I just don’t eat the thing when I don’t know what it is, but sometimes I sniff and poke things and decide they’re probably safe to put in my mouth, and shortly after I realize I was probably wrong.
Sometimes I don’t want to give people a hard time, because I’m afraid they won’t invite me back over or will be totally turned off to socializing with me if I continually and constantly refuse their offers.
A lot of the time, I feel pretty alone, and food is something I can gather around with my community, so I sacrifice the well-being of others for my own comfort.
That list could go on for a long time, and all of those points could be broken down into the specific circumstances I’ve had here. Vegetarianism in Panamá is incredibly easy and doable; veganism, on the other hand, is a whole different story. Luckily, I am #blessed to be an hour from Boquete and an hour from David, where lovely stores like Super Barú and Rey exist (supermarkets with lots of vegan options) as well as the amazing vegetarian health foods boutique in Boquete. Also care packages with nutritional yeast, Lenny & Larry’s cookies, and other delicious vegan goodies. While my Peace Corps experience isn’t exactly what I pictured initially, I am low-key grateful for all of the Gringos that blazed the trail here in Chiriquí before me, creating demand for vegan cheese, Earth Balance butter, and tofu in Panamanian supermarkets in yeye-landia.
That being said, I’m eating a lot more like I did in the States nowadays…
I’ll conclude this vegan blog much like I concluded my last one, with a beautiful idea about veganism: doing what you can with what you have, wherever you are, is better than doing nothing at all. Being vegan is always about each individual’s personal capacity to eliminate the harm and suffering of others from their life, and your personal capacity to do so will change throughout your life. I’m finding that I’m going through a lot of adjustments right now, one of them being adjusting to a new style of veganism in my new home here in Chiriquí. While I’m sure moving into my own house in six weeks and having control over what’s in my kitchen will help, having some grace while I figure it out, and not beating myself up over navigating new situations, is what it’s all about (much like literally every other thing in my Peace Corps experience; I’m seeing a theme here).
When I need a reminder or some inspiration to keep fighting the good vegan fight here in Panamá, I just visit some neighborhood chickens, pigs, or horses, and am reminded how much I love them for simply existing. There is, in fact, no motivation more powerful than the beautiful souls of those you live to protect.
Compassionately,
Hanamá